{"id":722,"date":"2014-12-08T23:44:23","date_gmt":"2014-12-09T04:44:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.viciousgrin.com\/blog\/?p=722"},"modified":"2014-12-08T23:45:06","modified_gmt":"2014-12-09T04:45:06","slug":"play-by-play-of-i-am-bread","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/08\/play-by-play-of-i-am-bread\/","title":{"rendered":"Play by Play of I Am Bread"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I Am Bread is a video game on steam. Your mission? Become toast. That&#8217;s it. This is some of what I heard while the husband played this bizarre game tonight.<\/p>\n<p>Me after just getting to the bottom of the steps: *dumbfounded stare*<br \/>\nTrey: just shut up and pass me the LSD.<\/p>\n<p>Me: have you just started playing?<br \/>\nTrey: no, I&#8217;ve been trying for 10 minutes but I keep getting covered in too much lint<\/p>\n<p>Trey, repeatedly: I am bread. I must be toooooooast<\/p>\n<p>Trey, upon starting a new game: I must be toast!<br \/>\nMe, ignorantly: Where is the toaster?<br \/>\nTrey, in anguish: I don&#8217;t even know!<\/p>\n<p>Random exclamations for awhile:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ooh I&#8217;m dancing<\/li>\n<li>I broke the jam!<\/li>\n<li>Who eats fish for breakfast? How does a piece of bread throw a fish anyway? Oh, I&#8217;m covered in fish bones<\/li>\n<li>Am I making love to the butter? What am I doing?<\/li>\n<li>(After the butter fucking): Hopefully I am now buttered&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Me: ew, you&#8217;re on the trash can<br \/>\nTrey: I am on the trash can aren&#8217;t I? I&#8217;m so existential I don&#8217;t even know it<\/p>\n<p>Trey: I wear the bread, the bread does not wear me.<\/p>\n<p>Trey: (Ruefully) I shall never be toast<\/p>\n<p>Trey: Curse you, Skateboard!<\/p>\n<p>After yelling at the cat for trying to steal his blizzard authenticator: She wants to play Diablo, but I can&#8217;t even be bread. Glass-covered nothingness.<\/p>\n<p>Trey: I move but I get covered in crud! It&#8217;s like my life<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I Am Bread is a video game on steam. Your mission? Become toast. That&#8217;s it. This is some of what I heard while the husband played this bizarre game tonight. Me after just getting to the bottom of the steps: *dumbfounded stare* Trey: just shut up and pass me the LSD. Me: have you just &hellip; <\/p>\n<p><a class=\"more-link btn\" href=\"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/08\/play-by-play-of-i-am-bread\/\">Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[39,7],"tags":[139],"class_list":["post-722","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-trey-and-jess-life","category-video-games","tag-weird","item-wrap"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":682,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2013\/07\/17\/snaaaaaaaaaake\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":0},"title":"Snaaaaaaaaaake","author":"Jess","date":"July 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"My brave, idiot cat, Luna is a mouser. She stalks and attacks critters that invade her home. She's kind of awesome that way. She also sometimes just sees crap and stalks it vigilantly. Today, she swiped at something in my basement office and I heard a sound that sounded a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;House Adventures&quot;","block_context":{"text":"House Adventures","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/house-adventures\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Black Rat Snake","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/07\/IMG_0128-1024x764.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":647,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2013\/02\/21\/lions-and-dogs-and-squirrels-oh-my\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":1},"title":"Lions and Dogs and Squirrels, Oh My","author":"Jess","date":"February 21, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Yes, yes, I know I post really infrequently. Life has been\u2026\u00a0crappy\u00a0horrible\u00a0insane\u00a0busy.\u00a0Shut up. I was \u201ccatching up\u201d \u00a0on my\u00a0lolcats\u00a0RSS feed today and stumbled upon the brilliantly adorable short film starring Zachary Quinto,\u00a0Dog Eat Dog. From the video\u2019s description: \u201cDog Eat Dog\u201d is a short film based on the true story of\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Odds and Ends&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Odds and Ends","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/odds-and-ends\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Lion Plaque WTF","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/lionwtf-1024x576.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":43,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2010\/04\/23\/bioshock-2-art-deco-zombie-atlantis\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":2},"title":"BioShock 2: Art Deco Zombie Atlantis","author":"Jess","date":"April 23, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"In April of 2008, I bought BioShock for PC while out and about on a week-long training trip for work. I needed something to do with my evenings in my hotel room because the Internet connection was AWFUL and playing WoW was limited to Fishing because the latency was untenable.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Odds and Ends&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Odds and Ends","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/odds-and-ends\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"The Sisters from Bioshock 2","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/04\/the_sisters.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":662,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2013\/04\/11\/i-play-video-games-jackass\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":3},"title":"I Play Video Games, Jackass","author":"Jess","date":"April 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been sitting on this story for a looooooong time. But, a particular badass tweet by Rae Johnston yesterday has spurred me to share my tale. Middle of last year, the husband decided that he was really excited and interested in playing Dishonored. So much so, that it had\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Video Games&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Video Games","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/video-games\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/gamer-girls-revenge.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/gamer-girls-revenge.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/04\/gamer-girls-revenge.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":282,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2010\/07\/17\/absentee-blogger\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":4},"title":"Absentee Blogger","author":"Jess","date":"July 17, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I am a bad blogger. I promised an update during the long weekend and didn't deliver. I apologize. Lots. I even had a fun post about shoes drafted that I never bothered to post. Some day soon. Promises. It has been super hot here the last few weeks. We haven't\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;House Adventures&quot;","block_context":{"text":"House Adventures","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/house-adventures\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":571,"url":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/2011\/12\/31\/whats-it-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":722,"position":5},"title":"What&#8217;s It Do?","author":"Jess","date":"December 31, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I got two Desktop Daleks for Christmas. I unpacked them to put them on my desk. While doing so, this happened: Husband:\u00a0\"What's it do?\" Me: *blinkblink* . . . Exterminates! I would have thought that was obvious . . .","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Trey and Jess's Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Trey and Jess's Life","link":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/category\/trey-and-jess-life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/12\/IMG_0334.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/722","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=722"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/722\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":724,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/722\/revisions\/724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=722"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=722"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/viciousgrin.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=722"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}